Why Do We Do All Of This?

It’s a simple question - Why do we spend so much time fussing over our clothes, our hair, our make-up?

But, it’s not really a simple question. In fact, it’s two questions.

The first question is: Why do we follow fashion? or put another way, why do we even care about what we wear?  We do it because we want to belong. We are tribal creatures and at it’’s most basic level, belonging is a matter of survival.

What we wear is a strong element of our belonging. It began with tribal or clan identifiers - think of tribal tattoos or clan tartans, military uniforms, even gang colors.

Over time what we wear became an international industry but in the end, it all continued to be about belonging. 

Major international fashion designers may set the seasonal “silhouettes” but, (usually) national designers interpret the silhouettes for regional tastes. Retailers buy what works for local consumers. Individuals buy and wear what is acceptable in their communities and business and social circles.

So, this is fashion at its heart. I’ve discussed this in previous blogs. You may read or hear about international trends, but what’s going on in your area is what matters because what goes on among your friends and business associates, in your community, your city, your region informs your sense of belonging. 

If a chic New York City fashionista blows into a western town thinking she’s going to show the locals a thing or two, it’s likely that she is the one who will get the lesson.

And now, for the second part. Why are we so concerned about hair, make-up and the condition of our bodies? Quite simply, It’s because we want to be beautiful or more beautiful. But why?

Because I’ve been involved in the “Fashion & Beauty Industries” my whole adult life - first as a model and then as a fashion designer and stylist - I’ve pondered these matters a lot. I guess I must have unconsciously reached a conclusion because, in the end, the answer came to me in a flash.

One morning I was watching a show on television. The subject was Why is beauty so powerful? -  not only in our own culture, but in all cultures, in all times? The hostess was interviewing some expert or other and asked him the question to which he replied, “Nobody really knows.”

Suddenly the penny dropped and I thought, “Actually, I think I do.”

Since then I have asked the following of several trusted friends:

“I’m going to describe something to you and I want you to tell me what I’ve described: 

• Shining, abundant hair

• A clear, unblemished complexion

• Symmetrical, proportional features

• Straight teeth

• A straight back and clean limbs

• Clearly identifiable gender characteristics

• Fresh breath and a pleasant body odor.”

Most people answer: “A beautiful woman.”

I say “Actually, I’m describing a beautiful woman or man. But what else?”

They look at me and say something like “OK, a beautiful woman or a man, but I don’t know what else.”

I tell them, “What I’ve just described to you are the outward indications of good health and the apparent absence of harmful genetic traits. These outward characteristics are the only means our species ever had to judge these things until modern science and the discovery of DNA.”

And these characteristics, along with a few others I might not have thought of, prevail in every culture, everywhere, for the entire history of our species.

Over eons this lesson was well learned. Anyone looking for a mate will try to find a person with as many of these characteristics as they, themselves, can attract.

Good health is self-explanatory. As for the genetic clues, the person searching for a mate has  strong instincts that tell them the apparent absence of certain traits is conducive to maintaining a strong family line. 

The closer to the ideal a prospective mate is, the more desirable. The person whose personal characteristics appear closest to those identified as desirable becomes the most desirable.

Most desirable, over time, became Most beautiful. 

So that, in my opinion, is the matter of the undying power of beauty. It also explains why most of us bother with hair-style, make-up and body image.

So, you weren’t born a perfect beauty? Waste no tears over this. Almost nobody was. You might name an actress or model or celebrity that you think is a perfect beauty, but would you really think so if you saw her (or him) without professional make-up, in harsh lighting, wearing clothes that weren’t specifically chosen or designed to augment assets and conceal liabilities?

The fact is that most of the people you think are fabulous, look, more or less, like ordinary people when they’re just being ordinary people. You’d walk right past them on the street.

That leaves you a lot of room to run. In previous blogs, I’ve mentioned how clothes can alter the perception of, what you think of, as your imperfect shape and even how make-up foundation can change your imperfect skin-tone. There are so many little tricks of the trade you can learn.

Over time, I’ll write about a lot of them, but for now, here are a few, in the order I mentioned them above, as desirable traits. And remember, much of what we refer to as “beauty” is either vibrant good health or the illusion of it.

• Shining, Abundant Hair. Of course it begins with good health, but you may also have inherited dull, skimpy hair. You already know this: Clean hair shines. If it doesn’t shine, use a fullness enhancing conditioner, which coats the individual strands with ingredients to add shine and makes them thicker. If your hair is seriously thin and dull, you should see a doctor, you might have a treatable medical condition, like thyroid issues. Or, even if you’re a woman, you could be experiencing premature balding which can be helped by products like Rogaine. If you’ve tried all of that and ruled out a medical condition, try a very short “Pixie” type cut or use extensions, but do learn how to use them properly. Few things look more ridiculous than hair extensions applied incorrectly.

• A Clear, Flawless Complexion. If you’re over 18 and still have acne, or if you’re under 18 and have severe acne, don’t mess around, see a dermatologist. There are many things they can do that weren’t available even 10 years ago. And, you can spend a fortune on over-the-counter remedies that probably won’t work well and the scars you get as a result will last a lifetime. If your issue is less dramatic, see a make-up artist and learn the best way to apply makeup to give your face a “natural, flawless glow,” in the words of ad writers.

• Symmetrical, Proportional Features. No, you don’t have to resort to plastic surgery.

If your eyes are small, don’t wear a heavy eyebrow, they make even large eyes look smaller. If you’ve never plucked your eyebrows, get a professional to do it the first time and teach you how to do it properly. You can also see a “threader” but you can’t learn to do this yourself. Use a light hand with your eye-liner, a thick circle of black will make small eyes look even smaller.

If your eyes are too closely spaced, don’t let your brows grow too close together and don’t wear a heavy or squared-off inner line. Use a light colored matte eye-shadow on your inner lid and blend to a darker shade toward the outer lid.  Begin your eye-liner about a quarter of the way up from the inner corner of the eye. Feather it softly toward the outer corner and extend the “tail” straight out instead of curling it upward. (Find a picture of a young Barbara Streisand. She was a master of this technique.)

If your nose is too wide, carefully blend a darker shade of foundation on the sides and a lighter shade down the center. If your nose is too thin, reverse the application. If your nose is just too big, use the “too wide” technique and emphasize your eyes and mouth. But remember, few things look worse than patchy make-up. Blend, blend, blend and practice, practice, practice. Finally, if your nose has been broken and you just have a lump on your bridge, unless it really troubles you, declare it interesting and get on with your life. If it is badly damaged, consider a “nose job” because a nose that’s crooked on the outside is crooked on the inside. This can inhibit air flow and even lead to cardiac problems. The greatest evidence for the harm this can cause is that, in the case of a seriously damaged nose, most health insurance companies will pay for the corrective surgery. I know, because this happened to me.

If your lips are too narrow, use a lip liner to carefully color outside the line Please don’t go crazy. Keep the inner edge of your color line just outside your natural lip line. If you try to go for thick, luscious lips, you’re going to look like a clown. Use a distraction technique by playing up your eyes. If, even in this time of big lips, you think your lips are too thick, reverse the above technique and color slightly inside your natural lip line. There are other, more sophisticated techniques, but I can’t write about them all. This is the most basic and the most effective.

• Straight Teeth. If you have crooked teeth and hate it, invest in orthodonture. You may have to forgo some things you really want for a year or two, but you’ll never be sorry and you’ll have healthier teeth for the rest of your life because you have a proper “bite”

• .Clearly Identifiable Gender Characteristics. If you’re a woman, this just means breasts and hips. You don’t have to be built like a fertility idol. If you, seriously, hate having small or non-existent breasts, if it’s making you feel unhappy or insecure about your womanliness, think about breast augmentation, but before you take such a drastic step, be sure that your breasts are the actual issue and not just a mask for something that implants can’t fix. I’ve heard too many horror stories to recommend buttock augmentation. If you have a flat fanny, get a book on exercises to lift and develop your gluteus maximus muscles (that’s the nice way of saying your “butt”) Running is among the best. There are also padded panties. If you think your hips are too big, running is among the best for this problem too and there are other exercises that work well. If you’ve done all of that and you’re still unhappy, see last week’s blog for clothing solutions.

• Sweet Breath and Pleasant Body Odor. If you’re keeping your teeth and body clean (and I have no doubt that you are) this shouldn’t be a problem. If it is, you may have a treatable condition in your mouth or, if you have an issue with body odor, you may have a glandular or another problem that your doctor can identify and correct.

• Whatever the basic shape of your body, it will be dramatically improved by a normal weight and good muscle tone. Yes, I do mean diet and exercise. I’ve said before that I’m not going to press you on this matter. You’ll either get to it or you won’t. But if this is an important issue for you, or if it’s affecting your health, the sooner you get started, the better.

Next week I’m going to take on another provocative topic: “Vanity” and Fashion Shaming. If you’ve read what some people are writing on-line and in other publications and are starting to think that you might be shallow because you follow fashion and want to look pretty, I think you’ll find it interesting.

- Gabrielle